


End of May or Early June

by QueenOfFangirls



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Cancer, Character Death, Connor Lives, Gen, Help, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, Im using the mayo clinic, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Protective Connor, Sad Ending, Suffering, The Author Regrets Nothing, im trying, is that a thing?, minor depression, you will cry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2018-11-12 14:13:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11163525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfFangirls/pseuds/QueenOfFangirls
Summary: It was the end of May when Evan started to get really sick.





	1. Prologue

It was the end of May when Evan started to get sick. He didn’t want to eat, with his shirts hanged off his body. Jared notice that when he could see his cheekbones.

  

He was always freezing, yet sometimes felt like he was hotter than “the devil when he burned his hands” to Jared. He noticed that when Evan asked for the blanket Jared kept in his bag in the middle of English. Evan was wearing the heaviest sweater, even with a light sheen of sweat was on his forehead. And despite all of this, he complained he was _still_ freezing.

 

This was hypocritical since at last time Evan was at Jared's house, he was walking around with a wet towel around his forehead, in shorts and and tank top. In a freezing cold house with the A/C on full blast. He was burning up. 

 

Evan slept any chance he could. Free time in class? Sleep. Boring movie? Sleep. Ate a grape for lunch? Sleep. The oh-too-far-often nosebleed ends? "Wake me up when class is over."  Maybe that had something about the 10 times he missed school in two weeks when he was sick. During video chats with Evan, Jared always pointed out the swollen lymph notes he had, a sign the infections were going down. Evan started to talk less because of the gum bleeding, leaving the chats to text only.

 

During this time, Connor visited every day, before and after school.  Connor was good boyfriend to Evan. 

 

Alana started to notice as well, talking to one of her cousins who was a doctor at the hospital.

 

Jared remembers that. It was May 31st. The end of May.

 

 


	2. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The doctor visit doesn't go as planned.

Heidi sighed as she looked at Evan as she pulled into the hospital’s parking lot. His face was relaxed, breathing steadily, but a little shallow. She sat wondering, what could be wrong with her little man?

 

She placed a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him. “Evan, wake up sweetie,” He groans, and flips to have his back face his mother. “Evan, come on, we got figure out what is the matter with you.”

 

“Fine!” He groaned, unhappily getting up out of the car.

 

* * *

 

Evan hated waiting rooms. Sick, crowded, the nurses calling out your name in front of everyone.They know something had gone wrong with you, probably gossiping about you went you left. It had anxiety attacks written all over it.

 

A nurse called out his name, in a nasally voice. “Evan Hansen,” Heidi looked up, as her son looked down with burning cheeks. “Doctor Washington will see you now.”

 

* * *

 

20 minutes of waiting felt like hours to Heidi. Evan, now is the distasteful blue hospital gown she never wanted to see him in, laid on his back, his ankles crossed. Just staring off into space, or internal fear and worry buried within.

 

The door opened to an older black man, with graying hair and some stubble, with a white coat and blue scrubs identical to Evan’s gown.  He carried a white macbook pro with a “Keep calm,” With a flat-lining pulse “Ok, maybe not that calm.”

 

 Evan sat up, still with ankles crossed. “Ah, Mr. Hansen, Correct?” The man questioned.

 

“Doctor Harrison Washington.” He shook hands with the both of them. 'Good to see you again Heidi. What's has it been, three years since we last saw each other?" The doctor asked. 

 

"It's been close to that." Heidi said, talking to the old co-worker. "Well, formalities aside, let's get down to business." 

 

“Now, Evan," He said, sitting down on a black stool. "I have received your medical files and past families’ history. That should be a piece of the enigma that is going on with you.” Dr. Washington stated.

 

He did a basic exam on Evan, feeling his lymph nodes brought a bitter to the doctor. “Any pain in your bones, Mr. Hansen?” Washington asked.

 

“Um, I-I guess. It’s mostly everywhere. I mean, like not in my head, that’s a separate story for time that we-”

 

The doctor laughed, cutting off Evan’s ramble. “All right, Mr. Hansen. Headaches and bone pain.”

 

He pick up the laptop, and started to type the new information brought to him. “Any fatigue, unwillingness to eat?” He asked.

 

“Oh yeah.” Heidi confirmed.

 

“Mom!” Evan softly growled. “You know this well, Evan.” She retorted. The doctor kept on typing in the laptop.

 

He asked more questions. He sighed, and swallowed something down his throat. “May I speak with you outside, Heidi?”

 

“Yes, Dr. Washington.” She kissed Evan on his forehead and stepped out into the hallway, Dr. Washington closed the door behind them.

 

* * *

 

“Ms. Hansen, you understand that your grandfather had leukemia, correct?” Doctor Washington asked.

 

“Yes,  because he worked in a radiation plant back in the '60s.”

 

Like a flash, fear washed over Heidi, the color drained from her face. It all made sense, turning on as if it was a light switch. “No. No, he’s never been.. He can’t have cancer.” Tears were stringing in her eyes.

 

“The symptoms point to it. Acute Myelogenous leukemia, to be exact.”

 

“How? How could he get it?”

 

“The risk factors come in with three things. One: his sex plays a part, men are more likely to get this kind of leukemia. “ He stated.

 

“Two: The chemicals in smoke could have played a part, and three: AML is caused by a D.N.A mutation. It’s very likely that your former husband's carries the same gene that you and son’s have.”

 

“But Granddad got it late in life.” Heidi counter back. “Most cases, yes. AML happens later in life, but once in a blue moon, you have cases like this.”

 

Heidi took a breath, with a reeling mind, with Harrison large sound giving her a pat on the shoulder. "He's going to be okay, trust me Heidi." 

 

The two entered the room, and Evan sat there. He only said five words to his mother,  looking her dead in her eyes. His eyes were red and cheeks wet at his news.

 

“I have cancer, don’t I?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos!


	3. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BRING TISSUES

The drive was silent. Evan stared out of the window, seeing Jared and Alana sat together as the car pulled into the cul-d-sac, their feet in a kiddie pool, cooling off from late May heat. Alana bobbing her head to Beyoncé and Jared dabbing like the dying meme he was.

 

Connor was sitting in a fold out chair in the driveway, waiting for what seems like a few hours. A noticeable line of sunscreen on the bridge of his nose and Teen Vogue magazine in his hand.

 

Heidi could see Evan smiled, happy that Connor waited for them. But Heidi, she could already smell the cigarette smoke on him.

 

_“The chemicals in smoke could played a part.”_

 

Washington repeated in her mind. Like a rough sea, Heidi slammed the car door and the heat could be felt for miles. Evan and Connor were hugging, Connor oblivious to Evan’s somber face.

 

“YOU!” Heidi screeched at Connor. Her pace picked up, towards Connor.  “YOU’RE THE REASON WHY! YOU AND THOSE CIGARETTES AND WEED!”

 

Jared and Alana over heard this commotion, whipping their heads. “What do you think is going on?” Alana asked.

 

“I don’t know.” Jared replied taking a sip of lemonade .

 

 

 

“I’m going to check it out.” Alana said, getting up, stopping the radio. “Hey! My favorite part was coming up!” Jared declared. “I don’t care,” Alana told. “Something’s up, and we’re going to check it out.” Jared slipped on his flip-flops and came over to the Hansen’s drive,. Just as Connor was slammed to the garage door.

 

“I have never been around him when I go and have a smoke!” He said, getting up with Evan’s help.

 

“THAT’S BULL, MURPHY!”

 

“MOM, IT’S TRUE!” Evan called out.

 

“EVAN, STAY OUT OF THIS!”

 

“I’M NOT AN FABERGE EGG! IT’S NOT HIS FAULT!” Evan yelled at Heidi. “EVAN IT IS!” “What’s going on?!” Jared asked. “I don’t know, she just started to go after Connor!” Evan explained.

 

“Evan, you of all people, should know this! He’s the reason I might lose you!” Heidi said through her tears “ENOUGH!” Alana yelled out, and everyone heads turned. Even Jared jumped.

 

“What in heaven’s name is going on?!” Evan and Heidi stood quiet, Evan’s checks became red.

 

“It’s all of Connor’s fault.” Heidi mumbled. “Ah, Come on, Mom!” Evan went after.

 

“Don’t you remember?! Both you and dad smoked! You used to go through a pack a day! I made you guys, on your anniversary, a cigarette holder so you could put it down!” Evan yelled. “God, Not everything is his fault! He’s never been around me when he’s high! It’s not his fault I got cancer!”

 

Silence. Moments pasted before Jared dared to be the first to speak.

 

Jared, in tears, asked with a breaking voice. “What?” It went up several octaves, almost like a child.

 

“Hansen, you got- you got cancer?” His boyfriend questioned.  Evan, mind frozen in fear, ran off into his house.

 

“Evan!” Jared called after, followed by Connor and Heidi. Heidi was stopped in her tracks by Alana, taking a hold of her shoulder. “I think you done enough for one day, Ms. Hansen.” She said firmly. She followed the boys to find Evan.

 

* * *

 

 

"You have never been around when he has a really bad panic attack.” Jared said to Connor.

 

“You’ll be surprised.” Connor spoke. “I mean really bad.” They stopped at a white door.

 

It was  covered in tree stickers, a picture of Connor and Evan on their first date, Jared and him during a school field trip to a museum and one with himself and his mother. Jared knocked on his door. “Evan, dude, can we come in? Jared asked through the door.

 

No answer.

 

“Dude, I’m going to knock down the door,” Jared called into Evan’s room. “One, two-”

 

“I got it.” Connor stopped Jared from kicking it down. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a quarter. He slid into the lock of the door, and it opened up. “Evan?” Evan, hidden in a little corner behind his dresser, was doing some sort of breathing exercise, checks wet.

 

Jared walked closer to him. “Hey, Ev,” Jared, as quiet as possible to not to send Evan deeper into his panic attack. “That’s right, Evan, just breathe.” Jared said. Evan exhaled, inhaled and just sat there, breathing. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.” Evan said. Connor walked over and sat down.  Evan looked up, seeing Connor. Evan froze before he went on a ramble of apologizes not needed. “Oh God, Con, I’m sorry, it’s all my fault. God, why? I don’t kno-”

 

Wrapped in Connor arms, sobs that were kept inside of him were brought down like a flash flood. Jared walked over, got on his knees, and just sat there, wrapping his arms as well.

 

Alana joined upstairs a few minutes. Soon Alana, Jared and Connor sat around Evan, all quiet and all silently praying that Evan is going to be okay.

 

* * *

 

 

Connor pulled into the parking out of the local college. He carried a cardboard box to the dorms. After several turns, and stairs to climb, Connor reach a dorm with a green leaf above the door number of 42.

 

He knocked hard, loud and brash. “OK, OK, I’m coming! Geez!” A man called out.

 

A man, at least 20, with dreadlocks, a tank top and boxers stood at the door. “Ay, Connie, my man!” He said, a smile on his face. “I just got a wicked awesome shipmen-”

 

“I want my $2,000 back.” Connor said, handing the box to him. The other man opened it up. The box was filled with unused blunts and lighters.

 

“Chill, dude. what ‘s going on?” Connor slammed him against the door. “Now, you listen to me good, Bushmen,” Connor said cruelly. “When I need something, I get it, capiche?” Connor demanded.

 

“You got it, man.” Bushmen said shakily.

 

Connor put him down, and Bushmen raced inside to get a series of $100 bills. “It’s all there, trust me.” He said.

 

“Thanks,” Connor said, walking back to his car. “Oh, one more thing, that's worth mentioning,” He said. “You just lost a customer. No more." 

 

* * *

  

"What's the matter with Yered?" Jared's father asked, accent rich in his East European roots. His pride and joy, as soon as he stepped foot into the house, locked himself in the basement. 

“Sweetie, you haven’t heard?” His mother questioned.

 

“His heart got broken again?” He asked. “No, darling.” She said, cutting up chicken. “Heidi called me. She said Evan has cancer.”

 

“You’re kidding me?” He spoke. “How long has he been in there?” He asked, gesturing his head towards the basement.

 

The basement had a little pantry in the beginning for all the cookware and other goods, but the rest was sorta a place for Jared to just chill. It had a drum set, his guitar and keyboard, a couple of bean bags and the tv for video games when his cousin Micheal came over.

 

“A while. He got home about two hours ago and locked himself in there.” 

 

* * *

 

 

A beat filled the room, a pound of the bass, with a hi-hat tapping. Jared’s foot on the pedal, banging on the drum.

 

He picked up a pencil that sat along his ear, and made marks on a piece of paper. A handwritten song. Jared knew what cancer could do. Only a few stood out, some die and some survived. He wanted Evan’s story to survive, even if Evan didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it! Now to work on the next chapter!  
> oh and Yered is the hebrew name for jared and jared is jewish so, you know.


	4. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chemo is rude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my im alive

Evan started chemo the following week. He was tired, slept a lot. When he wasn’t sleeping, he was out in the garden, with the flowers and plants. Among the fresh planted beard tongues and Gloriosa lilies, bring a sense that things were a little normal, not whatever is going in his veins every Monday and Thursday to get rid of the junk that’s in his bones.

 

“So, instead of being in the comfort of your room, dreaming about Emma Watson and your boyfriend, you’re out here with a bunch of plants.” A nasally voice said, the creak of the back gate opening and closing.

 

Jared walked over, looking over the plants surrounding his friend. “Where did you get all of this plants if you’re too weak to go outside of your house?” He asked.

 

“I made Connor go out and get them at the plant nursery.” Evan said, not looking up at Jared, digging a shallow hole.

 

“That must had to be his worst nightmare. Trying to figure the difference of dahlias and daffodils.” Jared said, chuckling.

 

“Jared, what are you doing here?” Evan asked, digging a deeper hole. “You’re telling me that a guy can’t visit his friend? I’m hurt, Evan.”

 

Evan raised an eyebrow, a doubtful look. “That’s a lie, Jared.” Evan spoke, planting an Angel’s trumpet. “Now, tell me the truth. Did my mom put you up to get me in the house?” Evan questioned, poking Jared in the knee with his shovel.

 

 “Yes?” Jared answered sheepishly. “She may or may not have bribe me with her brownies to make sure that you do nothing but stay inside and do nothing.”

 

Evan looked at him, and rolled his eyes. “Tell her that there are weeds that need to be pulled out, flowers that need to be planted and this garden is a mess.”

 

Evan returned to his work, taking a lily out of a pot, as Jared watched on. Evan struggled with the pot, resorting to the shovel to shimey the plant out.

 

“Evan, look dude,” Jared said, as he crouched down. “If you can't get the next plant out of its stupid little plastic holding thing, I'm taking you inside.” Jared challenged his friend.

 

Evan took that bait, grabbing some type of fern and tipped it onto its side and started to pull.

 

“This plant is stubborn as all get out.” Evan mumbled under his breath. A few moments went by, and Evan should have been able to get the plant out forever ago.

 

Jared has enough of it. He pulled Evan up, picked him up bridal style and carried him into his house, much to Evan’s objection.

 

“Hey, Ja-Jared! What are you doing?!” His objection rang out. Evan squirmed in Jared’s arms, trying to set himself free.

 

“Come on Evan, we’re gonna binge watch _I Love Lucy_ until you pass out.” Evan struggled to get out of Jared’s arms, When did he get that strong? Or was he just that weak? Evan questioned himself.

 

Evan’s back door was opened by Jared, and the next thing Evan knew, Lucy was drunk from some medicine.

 

* * *

 

Evan had several question at the moment.

  1. What time is it?
  2. What year was it?
  3. Where’s was Jared?



The answer were, in order 1:36 in the morning by clock that hanged on the wall, 2017, and God knows where. Evan flipped onto his stomach and looked around.

 

The lights in the kitchen were still on, so mom wasn’t home. He propped himself onto his elbows, shifting his weight so he could sit up.

 

Evan sighed, rubbed his eyes with his palms. He walked around, turning off the lights in the kitchen, and locking the doors.

 

He ruffled his hair with his fingers as he walked up the stairs to his room, using the guardrail to steady himself. His head felt a little like someone was tickling it, light and breezy fingers dancing with the curls upon his head. He pulled his hand out of his head and felt bristles.

 

No, no, this can’t been happening. He thought to himself. He looked down, into his palm, for reality smacked him right in the face.

 

The light brown curls, sad and limp in his hand.

 

* * *

 

Connor was woken with a start, Ed Sheeran blaring on his phone on the nightstand next to his bed.

 

He swore many times, such as for example for a more kid-friendly version, “Evan, if you're watching The Office and Jim and Pam are being cute, I’m going to break up with you, I swear to god."

 

He picked up the phone, reading the strings of texts his boyfriend had sent him.

 

_Tree boy <3_

_Omag con_  
_Im sorry_  
_Its going away fdjbgfdkjlsabg helpg_  
_Jkfgba_  
_Asjdkgb_  
_Help_

 

Connor thought he was reading Russian or something other foreign. He immediately shot back a text after several re-readings.

 

W _hat happened now_

  
_…_

  
_My hair started to fall out just now_

 

And that is when it came crashing down.


	5. Four

Connor spent the next four early morning hours at Evan’s, sitting on his bed, letting sobs wrench and leach out of his body. Connor took extra care not to touch his head, as the hair just coming out in waves, breaking off and leaving bald spots.

 

“You want to get it over with?” Connor whispered, rubbing up and down Evan’s shoulders and back. His boyfriend sniffed, and gave a slight nod.

 

Connor led Evan to the bathroom across the hall and sat him down in the chair that the room contained. The cool metal armrests brushed Evan’s skin, leading shivering shocks to pulse into him.

 

Connor placed a kiss on each of Evan’s cheeks and plugged in the clippers, buzzing away.

 

The minutes flew as Evan’s hair swept off his head. As the first snow of winter, the curls fell off gently onto the ground. Evan took deep breaths, crying reduced to shaking and rattles in his chest.

 

Connor mumbled sugar sweet words, laced with I love you’s and promises of staying by Evan’s side as the last of the curls fell onto the bathroom tiles. Evan’s scalp was smooth now, with a distinct shine to it.

 

Connor rubbed his hand over it, looking over his work. The rest of the day consisted of lying in Evan’s bed, Evan not letting go of Connor’s torso, watching some old musical on Connor’s phone, _The Queen and Me_ , maybe.

* * *

 

The days past by, and the treatments kept coming strong. The group all sorta- mostly Connor and Alana - pitched in and got Evan a green beanie, with a smiling, wide eyed tree emoji pin. It fitted his head perfectly, and made Evan a little bit better. A 17 year old kid with a bald head? Evan preferred not to think about that much.

 

Heidi was stormed with work and her night classes. She started thinking that she should dropped the classes so she could be able to keep her job and be there for Evan when he’s getting his treatments. Evan starting to use a cane to help him walk around, and just was weak overall, barely able to stay awake. Connor suggested that he should take Evan to his treatments.

 

And that’s how Connor ended up driving 50 miles to Saint Cosmas Hospital. Evan just got done with a treatment. The car was quiet, just the sound of nothingness. It was a little after 1:30, it would well after 2 o’clock before the two get back home, Evan at that point would be starved.

 

“You just wanna stop at, like, Panera Bread or something?” Connor asked. Evan shrugged, mumbled that sounded like a “Yeah, I guess.”

 

They drove for a few more miles and pulled into the shop. Evan started to unbuckle himself, when Connor grabbed his hand. “Stay.” He ordered, and got out first. He opened the passenger side, and put his hand out to help put Evan out. It was quiet, only about ten people there. “You want me to order for you?” Connor whispered to Evan, shifting his body weight to one foot, angled at his hips to lean his right side. “Please.”

 

Evan's order was a small Greek salad and this fruity prickly pear tea thing, and Connor got a chicken sandwich and some decaf coffee. The two sat in a booth, not talking to each other and focusing on lunch. About ten minutes into the meal, Connor asked out of the blue, “What did the doctor say?”

 

“Hmm?” Evan said, mid-mouth-full of lettuce. He swallowed that down, and smiled a little.

 

“He said nothing.” Evan lied, dodging the question At this point, Connor could see nothing but bull coming out of his boyfriend’s mouth. “Hansen, you’re lying.” Connor accused. “What? I’m not lying to you, or anyone for that matter.”

 

Connor cocked a eyebrow, and Evan blushed. “Ok, a few times slipped a little fib,” He began. “ But nothing major!” He confirmed, hands up in defense.

 

Connor sighed, and rubbed his temples. “Tell me the truth, Hansen.” He said.

 

“What did the doctor say?” Evan took a deep breath, licked his lips. “Its advancing fast. I’m at the next stage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look a update


	6. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared gets a plan, update on Evan's health with a guest surprise from Micheal Mell
> 
> also i'm alive

Connor sat shocked in the middle of a Panera Bread.

“Your- You're what?” Connor struggled to release the words from his mouth, mind trying to connect the dots. The doctors said he was fine last week.

“They found a small blood clot, and it’s finding a way around the chemo. They’re putting me on some more stronger stuff and some more testing done.” Evan clarified, not looking Connor directly in his eyes

Connor got up, and took Evan’s hand into his own. “Hey,” Connor said, raising a hand to make Evan’s beautiful blue eyes match his eyes.

“We’ll get through it. I promise.”

* * *

 

Jared screamed at the TV. His car just flipped, crashing into a light pole. He grabbed a hold of his headphones, and threw them to the ground.

“Hey, Jared, be level headed, don’t swear it!” Michael yelled at his cousin.

 

“I can never win that level!” Jared yelled, flopping into his bean bag chair. “You okay, cuz?” Michael cocked his head, looking at Jared. “You’re be a little on edge lately.”

“It’s Evan: his cancer or whatever is getting worse. I just can't stand it.” Jared flipped onto his back.

“Isn't he the kid you got crush on?” Michael said, downing a red slushie.

“Yep, and it s all because of Connor Murphy, Evan can't be with me.”

 

He shifted, grabbing a knitted blanket and placed on his head. He began dancing around, in a lower voice register.

“Look at me, I'm Connor Murphy and my boyfriend and we are an overgrown brangelina and I, broken Jared Kleinman’ little heart by dating the boy who knows him better than himself. It doesn't matter if Jared had a crush on my boyfriend for the last 6 years, he's my man. I'm gonna go take a smoke now, hinga dinga durgen!”

He took the blanket off ending the connor impersonation, and threw at Michael. “man, you got the jellies bad!” Michael said, catching the blanket. “No dip, sherlock,” venom spew from Jared, lying down on his bean bag. “Maybe it's just not meant to be. Maybe I'm just a loser with a freaking PT Cruiser and not meant to be the man that I can really show what love is before he kicks the bucket."

 

Michael flopped over on his stomach. Quiet seized the basement hangout, Jared’s mom could he heard talking on the phone upstairs.

“Screw night.” michael said casually.

“What?”

“Screw night.” Michael said. “A night of messing around and doing things like teenagers do, purely just screwing around to do anything and have a fun night. Me and Jere-bear do it with the gang all the time.” Michael said, popping a cheeto in his mouth.

A lightbulb went off in Jared’s head. He grinned a little, and grabbed a handful of cheetos. “Tell me more.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments give me life. Give me criticism and what you thought of it!


End file.
